it has been two days since i returned from the trip and as always, there is a pang of loss. i am aware i should be grateful for even having been on a trip. or perhaps the awareness of what is to be in the next few days is dampening my mood. perhaps.

Ramadhan Mubarak.

A simple du'a (supplication)

May Allah help us to purify our hearts, strengthen our faith, and enable us to meet every challenge, and overcome every difficulty in our lives. May Allah allow us to serve Him with sincerity in our work, study, professional, business, family and social lives. When the time comes for us finally to return to Him, may Allah admit us to the companionship of those whom He loves.

Here is another simple du’a written by Shahid Athar, M. D:

Ya Allah s.a.w.

• Give us the knowledge, the skills and the will to serve fellow humans.
• Give us the wisdom to comfort and console all toward peace and harmony.
• Help us to alleviate human sufferings.
• Give us the strength to admit our mistakes, amend our ways, and forgive others.
• Give us the devotion to serve the poor, the hungry, the destitute and the homeless with honour, love, dignity and piety, with patience and tolerance, with knowledge and vigilance, with Thy love in our hearts, compassion for Thy servants and desire for Thy mercy for all those who are instruments of Thy healing. (Amen)

If we look deep into our hearts we can see how blessed we are, with Allah’s blessing and your help, Islamic Relief can help others.

dear God, 

give us the strength to accept the things we cannot change. 

dear God, 

give us the patience to adapt to the things we cannot change. 

dear God, 

give us the conscience to give back to You as You have given to us.

i saw a stranger whose face was screwed up in confusion of the moment, whose hands were finding a purpose in that moment, whose lips quivered in the awkwardness, whose forehead wrinkled in exhaustion, whose shoulders drooped even on days when the sun was out, the sky clear and children's laughter and the rustling of leaves lingered in the background.

i saw what i could be. 

i wrote the above on oct 4th 2004. 

have i become what i could have been?

there were moments, minutes, even hours when i became that stranger. 

that stranger no longer remains so. 

so often has she appeared in my life 

that the stranger now is no stranger 

than the setting sun.

and then there's you.

trying to get back to you but elusive you remain.

or am i not trying hard enough?

alongside you id like to be.

a whiff of you would suffice.

you whom ive yet to meet. 

my thoughts let me down.

for they are a constant reminder of what has yet to be. 

but then theres you.

without you, i continue to seek these temporary thoughts. 

last friday, had some grand dinner.

sat with an old primary school mate.

also sat with j.

ahh j.

j.

j.

if only.

been a year since i last penned down my thoughts online. 

highly doubt anyone noticed.

too many things have happened and are happening that it would require too long a blog entry.

i'll try to be succinct about it eh:

ive found a stupendous spectacular friend in Emen. 

ive graduated from NUS.

ive applied to NIE.

ive survived the 10 week practicum.

ive a new home.

ive grown. 

ive aged.

ive wrinkles.

ive moved on.

oh.

and ive met a neighbour.

my neighbour.

my neighbour. 

different from emen. 

almost like mr darcy. 

ridiculously reserved. 

unfortunately endearing. 

tis my neighbour.

alas.

ive moved away so...

you know how it goes.

who keeps in touch with their neighbours anyway?

nonetheless. 

a shoutout to my neighbour:

dont be a stranger 

et

bonne nuit mon cher voisin.

'a bitter song by butterfly boucher'

been more than a year y nadie notó que me fueron.

e non comunicherò con lui più.

un ami. dans lui.

peut-être qui pourrait me rappeler de sourire comme je une fois avant.

'el manana by gorillaz'

they are leaving later this morning at ten. 

cant see them off. 

its for the best.
many months since.
hope youre doing well..

this is incredibly thrilling and liberating - well somewhat - its not like im a-outta chasing dr or ej or jb or any of them other abbreviations. the essays are finally completed and im beat. but this ive gotta say, after so long, is simply thrilling. there is no word ceiling. no double spacing. no justification. no spell checker. no grammar checker. no bibliographies. no footnotes. no need for such formalities in this 'essay'. im getting the chills - this is the bomb y'all and i am sadly deprived. literati - take me away from this madness!

one more time...

slamat rari raya!

or how about...

sramat rari raya!

yep. better..im gonna go rest now.

i refreshed my blog and realised how ungrateful i sound.

so...

Dear God,

i seriously do appreciate the rains.

Amin.